Day 16 – Still Want to Eat
I still wanna eat. I’m not hungry — just wired that way. Still feel that old flex, the muscle memory of years sneaking bites, finishing plates, grabbing just one more. It’s not gone. Not by a long shot.
I’m sloppy. I know it. Not proud of it.
I weigh and measure when I remember, but it’s not automatic yet. I heard in a meeting today someone say it took full concentration at first — that stuck with me. I’m not concentrated. I’m distracted, scattered, clunky with my tools.
Honesty’s still slippery too.
I’ll tell the truth, but maybe not all of it. Or I’ll downplay something because I don’t wanna admit how twisted it still is. That ain’t rigorous. That ain’t recovery. That’s just… surviving.
I keep talking about the Gift of Desperation — the big GOD — but I don’t think it’s clicked in my gut yet. I’m desperate enough to show up. But not desperate enough to fully surrender. Yet.
Still, I’m here.
Still showing up.
Still not eating in between.
Still not eating flour or sugar.
Still counting this as a win, even if it’s ugly.
I’m learning to stay in the ring even when I’m swinging wild.
DeeBo
#StillHere #DeeboInRecovery #GritAndGrace #AbstinentNotPerfect #ShowUpAnyway #DeeboDotLife #ProgressNotPerfection #StruggleBus #RecoveryJourney #OneDayAtATime #HonestNotPerfect #GiftOfDesperation