Made it to 20.Twenty days of abstinence.Not clean. Not smooth. Not easy.But real. And that’s what matters. There were a dozen points this week where the old script tried to take over:“Blow it now—before it gets too real.”“You’re close enough.”“Nobody cares.” But I didn’t.I didn’t sabotage it. That’s different. I used to throw a grenade … Read more
Rough day.Rough start, rough middle, rough everything. That damn voice…The addict voice wasn’t whispering today—it was fucking screaming.Full volume.“You can’t do this.”“One bite won’t matter.”“You’re tired. You deserve something.” Deserve?What I deserve is peace.What I deserve is freedom.What that voice wants is chaos. I rode the Struggle Bus all fuckin day.Slumped in the back seat.Sweaty … Read more
Something about milestones makes me twitchy.Day 20 is close and my addict brain knows it.That voice kicks in:“You’ve done well. You deserve a break.”That voice is a liar.I’ve broken more streaks than I can count—right before the breakthrough.Right before the clarity.Right before the habit could stick. There’s this fear that I don’t deserve to heal.So … Read more
Just got off a meeting.Because I’m on the edge.Not in a poetic way. Not in a “breakthrough” kind of way.In a “someone look at me wrong and I might lose it” kind of way. Tired. Restless. Pissed for no reason.And every reason. Didn’t want to pray.Didn’t want to hear one more person say “just for … Read more
Caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today.Not just physically. Spiritually.I saw someone coming back to life.It was quick. But it was real.God, let me keep glimpsing that man. #ProgressNotPerfection #OneDayAtATime #FoodAddictionRecovery #SeeingChange #SpiritualAwakening #QuietTime #PrayerAndAction
Day 16 – Honesty & Self-Will The hardest lie to spot is the one we’re still living. We say we want freedom. We pray for abstinence. We claim we’re willing. But self-will has a sneaky way of dressing up like honesty. It says, “Just this once.” It says, “That doesn’t count.” It says, “You’re doing … Read more
Day 15 – DragI didn’t leap into today—I dragged myself.Pulled by prayer, coffee, and the thought of not blowing it.Sometimes victory looks like not quitting.Dragging counts. #OneDayAtATime #DeeBoStyle #ProgressNotPerfection #KeepShowingUp #LowEnergyRecovery #PhoneCalls #PrayerAndAction
When the focus is just for today, every day becomes Day One.Stay in the present. Be grateful. Do service.And above all else—live by no matter what.Don’t eat, no matter what.Make your calls, no matter what.Open that toolbox and swing that fucking hammer. Nail home your abstinence for one more day.You want to eat something? Eat … Read more
It’s so fucking loud.Like I want to pound nails into my ears just to shut the noise up.The voices, the fear, the tension, the self-talk that sounds like an auctioneer on meth—nonstop.I crave food because it drowns it out.But God, I need something deeper.Give me a quiet that doesn’t numb—just holds me. #QuietTime #InnerChaos #RawRecovery … Read more
I made a mess of it. Not just the food. The day. The promises. The prayers.But God’s still here. And I’m still showing up.I heard a guy in a meeting say, “Nobody pissed me off today, so that was good.” His intention was simple: Don’t be a dick.Today, I’m borrowing that.No explosions. No martyrdom. No … Read more