Posts after slips, restarts, or breakthroughs
Prayer: God, it’s all ashes today.My attitude. My body. My faith.But You promised beauty for ashes.So here they are —Scoop them up. Blow on them.Make something. Even if all I’ve got is a flicker,I trust You to fan it.I’m tired of trying to burn alone. Still…Still smoldering.Still praying.Still trusting You with the match.
Reflection: This disease doesn’t bite clean.It gnaws.Nibbles at my dignity.Chews on my willpower.Sucks the marrow out of my peace. I used to think I had to fight it with bigger weapons.Now I know: I just need to keep my food cleanand my ass in the chair long enough to let God fight for me. Still…Still … Read more
Poem: I gave up cookiesfor clarity.Pizzafor peace.Liesfor light. I traded what filled my bellyfor what fills my soul.And it still hurts.Every. Single. Day. But I’m building something.One weighed meal.One honest share.One call.One prayer.One step. I gave up the thing that was killing mefor the life I never thought I’d deserve. Still…Still making the trade.Still showing … Read more
Prayer: God, I don’t want to talk to You today.But here I am.Because I know too well what happens when I stop.So I kneel — not because I’m noble,but because I’m desperate. I don’t need enlightenment today.I need traction.I need grit.I need grace. So give me just enough light to take the next right action.And … Read more
Reflection: I almost ate today.Not because I was hungry.Because I was angry.Because I wanted to slam a door or scream at someone or disappear.But instead, I sat with it.Didn’t like it. Didn’t fix it. Didn’t eat it. Resentment is a bastard.It dresses up like justice, but it feeds my disease.I let God have it today. … Read more
Reflection: I didn’t float here on good vibes and green juice.I clawed my way through cravings,through lies I told myself,through the hundred reasons to say “screw it.”Thirty days. Not clean. Not perfect. But real.And I didn’t do it alone.God dragged my sorry ass through more than a few of these. I’m tired. I’m grateful. I’m … Read more
Theme: Getting back into rhythm. Sloppy discipline, but no surrender. Journal-Style Entry: Today I realized something: I’ve been playing recovery like an out-of-tune guitar. The right notes are there, but they’re off. I’m half-measuring food, mumbling prayers, skipping corners on my journaling. Still abstinent, but not sharp. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being honest. … Read more
Theme: Mentally fogged, spiritually sluggish, physically present but barely. Journal-Style Entry: The mental fog is thick today. Like I’m driving with dirty headlights in a snowstorm. I’m doing the things—showing up, eating abstinently, checking the boxes—but my head ain’t in the game. It’s not dramatic. No breakdowns or binges. But it’s a spiritual dullness. I’m … Read more
Today wasn’t all struggle. There was a spark. Not a fire. Not a blaze. Just enough light to see the road. It came in a message. A look. A pause in the chaos that said, “You’re not alone.” I’m not cured. Not coasting. But something inside caught flame again. And I want to feed that. … Read more
The crack in the dam was barely visible. Just a thought. Just a glance. Just a “What if I…?” But that’s how it starts. The addict doesn’t kick the door down. He taps on the window. He whispers a maybe. He smiles like an old friend. I felt the crack today. And I patched it. … Read more