Something about milestones makes me twitchy.
Day 20 is close and my addict brain knows it.
That voice kicks in:
“You’ve done well. You deserve a break.”
That voice is a liar.
I’ve broken more streaks than I can count—
right before the breakthrough.
Right before the clarity.
Right before the habit could stick.
There’s this fear that I don’t deserve to heal.
So I sabotage.
But not today.
I keep thinking about Christmas Vacation—
Clark greases up that sled,
takes one push,
and suddenly he’s flying through fences, diners, neighborhoods—
no brakes, no control.
That’s what sabotage feels like.
One little compromise,
and boom—
you’re sliding through everything you swore you’d protect.
So today I left the grease in the can.
I stayed upright.
I stayed here.
Still…
Still afraid of success, but not backing off.
Still feeling the pull, but not giving in.
Still doing this messy.
Still not greasing the sled.
#deeboLife #gritAndGrace #fearOfSuccess #selfSabotage #100DaysOfReturn #holdTheLine #keepComingBack #rawRecovery